Cat Proverbs

cat drawing by Anne Seaworthy

“Try for the fattest rat on the block. If that one evades you, go to a human house and beg pathetically for food.”

“Grooming is the ultimate form of self-worship. Gently tasting every inch of the fur, cleaning off the soil of life, and tracing each angle of one’s own magnificent physique, is a duty that should be performed at least seven times per day in order to show proper devotion to the art of cleanliness.”

“Childhood, like milk, is fleeting – one moment you’re practically swimming in it and the next moment the mere thought of its indignity causes hairballs to rise to your throat.”

“When your female human’s belly starts to obliterate her lap, know that your life is about to be forever changed. On the plus side, there will be a new toy in the house. However, be aware that to kill that toy dead would probably cause a severe timeout.”

“The subtle gestures are the best way to show your love for your human without compromising your own ego. For instance, presenting the rear end as you strut away while the human’s attempts to stroke your fur lets them know you think of them as only a step or two behind you in terms of intelligence and status.”

“Do not despair if a dog is introduced to your territory. It will come in handy when you need someone to blame for broken vases or stolen plates of cooked dead bird.”

“Whether you have four legs or three, yellow eyes or green, curled whiskers or straight, if your belly scrubs the floor or if your ribs show through your fur, know that you are the most beautiful feline on the block – other than the author of this proverb, of course.”

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