Geography Lesson: The Saccharin Sea

Most people think of the world ocean as being split up into five or seven geographical areas with names such as Pacific, Atlantic, etcetera. But there is a little-known region in the space between Australia and New Zealand that some experts classify as its own sea, separate from the Pacific. This is due to striking differences in temperature, geological formations, and biodiversity.

To swim in the Saccharin Sea is like taking a dip in a warm jacuzzi. The chemical properties of water from this region indicate that the water is actually very similar in composition to hot chocolate, though it is amazingly clear. The sea foam tastes like marshmallows and leaves the sand it kisses with the aroma of salted caramel.

In the shallow reaches of the Saccharin Sea, one can glimpse photosynthetic organisms growing near the sunlight. They release chocolate truffles into the open waters every evening, and those that are not eaten plant themselves in the shallow sand to become new colorful organisms. Among these stationary creatures, myriad diverse and lively ones dart, squirt, and slither, including harmless jellies whose secretion tastes good with peanut butter, and snails who become slugs when their shells are eaten by cinnamon roll connoisseurs.

Deeper down, one can find the cookie-cutter sharks, which are always happy to cut human visitors a slab of half-baked dough from the substrate. Lining the abyss are hydrothermal vents that spew hot fudge and occasionally raspberry sauce. Strange creatures inhabit this area. One example is the candied crab, which sheds its multicolored shell to distract predators while it escapes. A predator of this crab is the glowy gumworm, which is often extracted and brought to the surface as a human delicacy.

When one reaches the very bottom of this sea, one notices (if one is willing to leave the comfort of one’s submarine) that the ocean floor is actually made of cake. The type of cake varies by location, but mostly it is caramel apple with a notable quantity of chocolate mocha patches. Life on the bottom includes butterscotch and white chocolate sea stars, as well as rays whose normally-stinging appendages squirt chocolate ganache when threatened.

To visit the Saccharin Sea, it is recommended that travelers book a hotel on one of the neighboring coasts far in advance. Don’t forget to bring all your diving apparel! (Note for people with dietary needs i.e. allergies, diabetes, gluten intolerance, etc.: Special diving gear is sold at many specialty shops along both coastlines to allow only certain ingredients of the Saccharin Sea to penetrate.)

How did such a geological anomaly come about? Legend has it that an Australian baker and a candy expert of New Zealand had a battle over whose treats were better. In the process of trying to prove their superiority, each threw samples across the sea. Some – well, most – of these samples didn’t make it to the opposite coast. Instead, they sank into the water and were adopted as food and shelter by the local wildlife. Over several generations, the sweets became integrated into the biology of these creatures. And today, the result remains a delicious vacation spot!

The Saccharin Sea

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4 thoughts on “Geography Lesson: The Saccharin Sea

    • It is currently quite cheap to visit the Saccharin Sea since the region is so little known. However, expect prices to climb as people like me spread the word to the general public. But don’t despair – several oceanographic institutions, bakeries, and other organizations offer grants for researchers, journalists, aspiring chefs, and their families to receive an extended visit and premium accommodations for a reduced price or free.

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