But how to serenade a lady fair who careth not for any simile
Between her eyes and gemstones, and who first
Would nibble a bouquet, then leave it be
For ‘tween roses and caviar, the roses sit the worst
Upon her lips, where e’er a smile softly plays
And how to pen an ode wherein I count the ways
In which her arse, presented like a gift
Has sweetened my bitter heart many a winter’s day
And what delight I taste when she does lift
Her unshorn chin so that caress’t my fingers may.
What beautiful words can capture the sound
Of a rude babe strangling a violin
Alas! This is my lover’s sweetest song
To welcome the raw fish that I do bring.
I lay it down; she tears flesh from the ground
To pester her for kisses now would cost a throbbing hand
So instead I take up my guitar and strum
A love song just we two will understand.
This poem is dedicated to Artemis, the dignified empress of my family’s household who has offered me so many gestures of love at key times, hours of companionship, an ear for all my secrets, and a deep intelligence that lets me know she understands my problems! And in return for all this, all she asks for is world domination! (Above photo by Alyssa Kress.)
Medieval painting at top of page – attribution: By Anonymous (http://www.hampel-auctions.com/) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons