President of the Jungle

Artemis gray cat presiding over household

Sunlight rolls lazily down the peaks of Mount Threadloop (or sofa in the local language), bathing the central plateau in the slow morning contentment that comes from the North Window and migrates across the floor throughout the day. I take advantage of the warmth to perch between the cushions that smell of Discovery Channel sweat. From here I preside over my kingdom, tracking the living, planning today’s deaths.

The Squeaky Mouse peers out from behind the Magic Train Set. I will chase him to exhaustion shortly before dinnertime; for now he can pursue his travel plans under my close inspection.

The Feather Bird, eternally married to that plastic stick, hangs down from the table, twirling and twittering half-heartedly in the wind that comes of Mother fixing matzo farfel for breakfast. I can sense that yesterday’s battle took much of the life out of those eyelash wings. But when they flutter again over the Plastic Menagerie and the ClawHappy Rug Field, I’ll be mercilessly ready.


The Hideous Thing (or vacuum cleaner in the local language) slumps sadly in the Dusty Alcove by the Loud One’s sleeping cave. Cloaked in shadow and helpless against the tingling footsteps of 8-leg toys that creep over its baggy stomach and twisty plastic esophagus, I smirk at the beast that will surely not be in motion for at least another 5 moons.

In the sleeping cave of the Perfume One it is raining, the salty rain that comes from her shea-butter eyelids and runs down her coconut lips. In the rain her nose-kisses sunburn my throat and I feel a strange urge to run away, so I will wait until the Doorway of Light opens on her desk to make my routine promenade across the keyboard and obtain my morning nose-kiss.

I wish I could stop the rain, but perhaps it is what keeps the rug-fields lush and the diamonds sparkling on her earlobes. Such things are beyond my understanding and control. All I can do is preside, deciding what will live and die, waiting for sunlight.


Image credits in order of appearance:

First photo is by Alyssa Kress. Model is Artemis the legendary kitty!

“Amazon Views” by Beyond The Ultimate Llc Race Director Wes Crutcher – Beyond The Ultimate llc. Licensed under CC BY 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons –


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