mind vomit ritual before a midterm paper

glaspalast_1888_059

You literates are in danger of losing me.

You may not give a whit about climate change

(considering all the trees

non-consensually martyred for your analyses)

And maybe you don’t care about me leaving –

– But I didn’t care about the color of Doctor T.J. Eckleberg’s eyes

while being slashed by the rain of a price-cut Friday

when nobody came to buy second-hand dresses

still bristled with the skin cells of a madwoman

And I had to read all about it anyway

and sit through a mind-puréeing discussion

of how Fitzgerald employs the toppling heirloom clock

as a vehicle for his assertion that time only grinds forward, leaving behind

not even the desperately still-young who cling to some dream that was planted in their heads by a nationalist gardener who never returned to water it because of the war or the color yellow –

– I

don’t

care.

So I’ll make you listen, you bespectacled ghosts, even though

you

don’t

care

that my heart like a caged bird beats against my blood-thrumming walls

bangs erratic between the clock’s clicks

screams for sound in a room which is quiet to a negative degree,

where whispers are sucked into nostrils and shoved down throats

until we’re a bunch of silken-gagged skeletons still

staring into screens and papers.

As if

it mattered.

You Eden of erudition.

I thought I loved you,

or maybe the latter syntax was inverted

I thought it was the rainbows in your glass cup

that made my heart flutter when you held it halfway to my lips

but now the glass

drops with a

crash on the floor

and I comprehend my heart was only shivering

in tremulous hilarity before breaking.

In the biology department, no one asks you to write about broken hearts; they can only be deformed, the blood vessels congested, the membrane lacerated.

cape_meares_lighthouse_overcast

Image credits in order of appearance:

By August Holmberg – Illustrierter Katalog der III. Internationalen Kunstausstellung (Münchener Jubiläumsausstellung) im Königl. Glaspalaste zu München, München 1888 (Digitalisat der BSB), Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=17517987

By Racanlan (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

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