If I Screwed Up My Chance for any Future


I would plunge back to Disneyland in 2010

Blueberry smiles and ice-castled pancakes twirl all around

Then board the Mark Twain and I’m off to the Marseilles, the Gulf

and the Martinique which had been denied me (by me)

Flower teacups pool with tigerseye tradition unmilked by modernity

I sip, taste the spices, retch of the newness and later assimilate

the red powder under my skin

as we do the sun’s orgasmic whiplash.

Naked, I would let the ocean take

me as a drum rolls and gets lost in the orchestra,

So many voices corning and flawing, one rattling defector wouldn’t be missed

So drown me in blue blankets, close my eyes

I open my mouth and let the seeds rain onto my tongue to grow

the garden, the oxygen, the dappled reading light beneath my own summer apples

all of which was denied me by me.

In absence of a way back, let me run forth barefoot

down the hill

Now that the civilization at its foot has been smashed to dust

I entertain no fear of a short-stop against cement.

Now that the sacred library, the city of amber, the angels spying from arches

and all million malted-gold paintings

Commemorating each day I won my world

have been burnt, irretrievable

Now that the music has never ripened and the mask has fallen from the musculature

of my face, squinting droplets in the blood-wet dawn,

I will meticulously trace every inch, will un-perfect my successes, will fail

until the juice runs down my chin in rich Amazon Rivers flanked by forests of

(I don’t care.)

And if no one but me stays by me,

so be it.

Image credits in order of appearance:

By Giovanni Dall’Orto – Self-photographed, Attribution, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=32329446

By yummyporky – http://www.flickr.com/photos/yummy-porky/3835240216/, CC BY 2.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=9443673


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